can't be bothered

Hello all. I know it's been a long time since I last rapped at ya, but this was not capricious. Nay, it's because nothing that much has really happened. I last left you with a tummyache and that continued through the rest of the week and to the weekend. As a result, I didn't do much besides watching movies. I guess I will just present it to you the only way I know how:
HIGHLIGHTS
- My last week went by well and good. Classes were fine as we learned about peptic ulcers. I'll save my knowledge for jidkt (see below). We went to the hospital again to practice our history-taking and physical-examining. It was fun playing doctor with the stethoscope and poking and prodding into these poor guys' bodies and minds. I also went swimming, lap, for the first time in 2 months.
- On Friday after class I went to a park with some people where we had a beer and sausage sizzle (no, the beer wasn't sizzling). It was a gorgeous day and one of the guys had a puppy with whom we played. It was nice. I biked home, hung out and ate. That night I went to a party that was literally down the block. How could I not? I could hear the noise from my house. Well, it was a shit show. By late night, there was mud and broken glass all over the house. I, not once but twice, rescued people after they had fallen down stairs. I was relatively proud of myself, actually, as my instinct after seeing someone falling (as opposed to laughing, which came later) was to rush and make sure they were okay (they were). I saw a guy puking out the window; a fight almost broke out. Man, it was like any other party, t'was.
- I was biking, approaching a skeezy intersection where on one-side, bikers are coming down a hill with a sharp turn onto a sidewalk. At the junction there's a big pole in the middle. I was biking the non-hill way and saw a guy coming down the hill so I readied myself. He didn't. He turned onto the sidewalk and saw me and instantly slammed on his brakes. Only, he was a n00b and so slammed on his front brake and flew over his handlebars. I bequeathed 1 precious liter of cold water to cleaning off the blood of his wounds. (Lesson: get in the habit of using your rear brakes as often as possible so when an emergent situation...emerges... you slam on the rear one and do not fly over your handlebars).
- Speaking of biking, yesterday I biked to Redcliffe, a sleepy beach town ~60k NE of here. It was a really nice ride...there. We went through some cool wetlands and plains and the ocean was gorgeous. We left here around 6:30AM and got there before 11AM. We ate some shit and took a siesta and then, as there was nothing to do in shitey Redcliffe, turned around and headed back. See, this may logically make sense but you, the layman, are not aware of the system of weather. The reason one leaves balls-early is for great weather. It was a cloudless day and by the time we headed back, it got damn hot. We stopped ever 30min to re-apply sunscreen and drink lots of water. It was so fucking hot, man. I got home at 2:30pm (total distance 125k) and took the coldest shower money could buy. I then drank an icy gin'n'tonic and watched Casino. I learned today that the time we were biking back, particularly at 1pm when we were on a flat, asphalt path that went for many klicks without shade, it had reached 37°. That's body temperature for those unfamiliar with physiology. - I made eggplant parmesan, marking the first time I've ever cooked eggplant or cooked a thing in an oven.
Jesus, I didn't know that!1
We learned about a little cutie-pie known as Helicobacter pylori, the bacteria recently discovered to cause peptic ulcers. In fact, 70% of stomach ulcers and 90% of duodenal ulcers are caused by these little guys. Why does this matter? Because it's main mode of transmission is oral-oral (meaning kissing, yes, but also sharing food, drinks, etc) and its prevalence in Korea is higher than 80% - that means that I definitely have these little guys in my stomach! How am I so sure? 'Cuz I must have taken bites out of 100 different students' food, not to mention all the shared soups, stews, and shot glasses that get passed around at any Korean dinner. The good news is that any of you whom I've shared food, drinks, or other oral substances with since coming back from Korea most likely have it too! Kyle and Joel, you guys have it for sho'.
Some more information I learned that's cool for you guys...hmm. Laxatives work almost exactly the same as lactose-intolerance works. Lactose is a common sugar, however some people lack the enzyme (cleverly named lactase) to break it down to glucose, so it moves into the large colon where bacteria feed on it (which causes gas) and it changes the osmotic gradient in the intestine, thus sucking water back into the intestine, causing diarrhoea! What else works like this? Why, diet soda! (Also, remember the short-lived Olean?) Always wondered why it tasted sweet but didn't give you any of those Evil Calories? It's because it obviously contains sugar (it tastes sweet) but it's a sugar that you don't break down, you don't absorb, and you don't gain calories. Therefore, it should give you diarrhoea, except it's in small concentration and is given in a form that has a lot of water and other electrolytes and so doesn't usually cause diarrhoea. Also, one more thing that works in this way is the magical fruit, itself. Yes, beans have some shit in it that your body doesn't digest and so it moves to large intestine. It's not big enough to cause diarrhoea, usually, but it's hugely nutrient-rich and bacteria love the shit, so they eat it up and release hydrogen and methane as part of their metabolizing, causing you to have flatus.
This reminds me (sorry, one more) of something I read in the physiology textbook. You have hydrogen and methane, both powerful little gases. When exposed to air, it mixes with oxygen (highly flammable) and that's why you can light them on fire, right? Well, in surgery of the large intestine, oxygen enters the picture as the bowel is exposed to air. In some surgeries, they use a cauterizing iron to fuse tissue and whatnot. This has a spark in it and you can get some minor explosions in surgery! Howabout that?